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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Splat-ter of the Week: Mitt Romney

We swore we wouldn’t do it. We didn’t want to do it.  But, to borrow a defense as time-honored as it is ineffective, he made us do it.  Mitt Romney is entirely to blame for forcing us to put Campaign 2012 back onstage and him in the splatlight. 

This time he’s front and center for remarks he made at a private fundraiser that, unbeknownst to him, were captured on video and leaked on Monday.   Romney suggested in his comments that 47% of Americans are “dependent on the Government,” believe they are victims, and, therefore, are Obama supporters.   

This was quite a splat for a candidate who has spent much of the campaign battling perceptions that he’s an elitist who’s out of touch with the people.

Because Splatospheric strives to remain non-partisan, we offer two plausible explanations for Romney’s remarks:

1.     He’s a wealthy elitist.*
2.     Like most attorneys, he’s just bad at math.

Being lawyer people ourselves, we have some sympathy for the second plight; however, Romney’s ability to produce double-digit returns during his time at Bain Capital make it a little tough to argue that he’s not so good with those pesky numbers.

The candidate later acknowledged that his comments were not “elegantly stated,” which is like saying Lady Gaga is “mildly eccentric.”  (We pray no one leaks footage of Romney in a meat dress.)

So here’s your golden pancake, Mitt. You might not win anything else.  And please forgive us if it’s not very elegant. 

* Most politicians fit at least half this description, whether they admit it or not.  Various sources peg the Congressional salary range from $175,000-223,000 per year depending on position-- not exactly “Average Joe” wages.   The ones who also fit the second half of the description usually are smart enough not to admit it.   

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