Splat-ters of the Week: John Mayer and Katy Perry

This week’s splat-ters get short shrift because I have to pack for a trip to Georgia.  (I’m so frazzled I don’t even have time to refer to myself in the plural.) My  brother and sister-in-law live there and are parents to my beautiful 4 month-old nephew, Baby B.  The two had an opportunity to get away for a few days if they could line up childcare, so I jumped at the chance to do a stint as Aunt In Residence with Baby B. 

The Aunt In Residence program is not new.  I piloted this groundbreaking initiative over a 9 month period while living in Herndon last year with my sister, brother-in-law, 9 year-old niece and 8 year-old nephew.  The curriculum at that time consisted of a single course-- “Sarcasm: Walking the Fine Line Between ‘Funny’ and ‘Grounded’”—but it was a rousing success so expansion was just a matter of time.  Borrowing the Law & Order franchise model, this weekend I’m rolling out Aunt In Residence: Infant Care Unit.

I started working on the AIR ICU syllabus the moment my brother bought my plane ticket.  I have only two days with B so the agenda is tight.  Day 1 will focus on the humanities, such as Art and Music Appreciation.  Baby B’s aptitude in both areas will be measured by his response to seminal audio and visual works.  On Day 2, we’ll turn to math and science.  Results will be reported here so stay tuned.

Speaking of tunes, the award this week goes to John Mayer and Katy Perry for being not just accomplished singers and songwriters, but also talented splitters and splat-ters. 

Perry’s 14-month marriage—a life sentence by my standards --supposedly left her “wide awake” but not alert enough to steer clear of the likes of John Player, er, Mayer (or primary colors in hair dye but that’s a separate issue). 

Mayer is not just a formidable musical talent but also a leading jerk thanks to his well-known dating antics and his inability to refrain from making appalling comments about them.  After a 2010 interview that broadcast the most horrifying of these, Mayer generated so much negative publicity it would’ve taken Usain Bolt to outrun it.  Mayer's solution was to become a recluse and hide in Montana, like a less explosive Ted Kaczynski. 

Mayer stayed out of the limelight until Rolling Stone interviewed him a couple months ago, just before he and Perry were linked romantically.  The singer sounded contrite. 

Both he and Perry desperately needed a good rebound.  But sometimes two negatives do not make a positive and this was one of those times.  Mayer pulled the plug on the relationship via email, proving that “contrite” is actually a compound word comprised of “con” and “trite.” 

These two are splat-tastic and have earned their golden pancakes. No doubt they’d rather win a Grammy.